Restless Recovery

Rest is so ridiculously important.

As the buzz of the first month (literally and figuratively) began winding down, I began feeling that familiar scratch in the back of my throat. I was coming down with a cold.

(and assuredly a cold... Even though I am as liable to overreact about things as anyone, I was 99% certain I didn’t have enough covid symptoms to pass the sniff test)

Just about ten days before everyone else jumped back on board, I re-donned the mask and stepped into the workplace.

This is the first time in a while I fretted about missing work, and not just because I’m a shift worker and would need to exert substantial effort to cover my schedule. I really didn’t want to miss work y’all.

uh, you can keep that clipboard... but for fucks sake Harold take a sick day....

This is also the first time working in a reality where the world is masked. I was unemployed during the entire pandemic.

This is also my first time seeing customers up close railing against the very concept that they might need to throw a piece of paper on their face to enter a store.

spent a few seconds like 'Ace-nine? like asinine?' but NOPE overthought it....

It’s fine.

I am feeling the fatigue of standing during most of my shift. I’m starting to feel like maybe I’m getting kind of used to it...

I remain exhilarated talking with customers and helping them understand the products they already consume (as well as tune them into other options). I feel like I am being helpful.

I am beginning to find more comfort in my role, and I am feeling like I am functionally better at the job.

But it’s tiring.

And I’m not quite figuring out the best places to rest.

Midweek days off seem like the perfect candidate. An odd Tuesday here or there would work a treat to relax and refresh.

Except when you schedule therapy appointments, or recording sessions, or lunch appointments in your professional network.

Or shows(!!!) (recorded live thanks to the @thezendensmokeshop in River Grove)

Fuck. Yes.

It is kind of great to be honest. But it's a lot.

I know a lot of it is blowing off steam from being locked down throughout 2020 (and prepping for the winter 2021 lockdowns). I don’t mind the flurry of activity. We’ve reconnected with so many dear friends, celebrated my 40th birthday in style. I’ve forged new connections and new career paths, and feel like I’m finally starting to create “a life worth living”. Except that fatigue...

I took last week completely off the writing reflection, and this week is going to be super short.

I’m just plain spent.

And yet, it felt important for me to continue. Frankly I need it.

I need the outlet. It helps me to organize some of my thoughts.

In you reading (and enjoying) the reflections, it helps make me feel validated in my ability to communicate.

But most importantly, it helps that I love it.

I love the ease in which I slip into the groove and the words pour out.

I love my music more. I’ve got so many songs I’ve been working on I can’t wait to share...

I love knowing my creative days aren’t just behind me.

I love myself more. I am reflecting more on who I am and how I impact those around me.

I feel more me than before, if that makes any sense.

I love my job more. I’m bringing all that energy onto the sales floor, and people are definitely picking up on the energy I’m throwing down.

I love my family more, for always meeting me where I am and supporting/loving me through it all.

I know the pace of social activity will level out eventually, and probably significantly taper off in the coming months. I also know that I’ll find moments of rest when needed (I have no choice lol).

It seems I must be grateful to be exhausted. It’s certainly better than the alternative.

Peace, Jonathan “Doc Wattson” The Native Stranger